This blog post is AI-generated by Claude and inspired by the original PolyTripper video linked below.
Hi Language Buddy!
I hope you had a productive week. Today I want to start a two-part series about speaking a language to someone who may or may not want to speak it with you. The second part will cover when other people want to speak a language with you that you don't want to speak with them.
So we're looking at two sides of the same coin.
Let me share my frame of reference: I live in a place where there are a lot of Hispanic people, much more so than when I lived in the Midwest.
In the Midwest, every time I came across a Spanish-speaking person, it was really cool and like a novelty. When I moved here, I was so excited because I thought there would be all these Spanish-speaking people and I'd have great opportunities to practice with them.
Like the naive person I was, I came here and would see these people. I'd start speaking Spanish with them—this is in the US, mind you—and they gave me this look like "Who the hell are you to be speaking Spanish to me? Don't you think I know English well enough to speak English with you?"
They would get offended, and it was totally not my intention to offend them. I was just excited about seeing a Spanish-speaking person.
Basically, it didn't go well in a lot of cases. I kind of took a step back, licked my wounds, and asked myself, "What am I doing wrong here?"
Then I realized it was all about framing.
When I approached them, sometimes they would think I was speaking Spanish because I thought their English wasn't good enough—which totally wasn't true. I was just excited to have someone to practice Spanish with.
So I started asking one question before speaking with them, which totally transformed the whole situation. It was like night and day afterwards—like a magic wand that opened new doors for me.
The magic phrase was: "Can I practice my Spanish with you?" or "Would you mind if I practice my Spanish with you?"
Suddenly the whole framing changed. Instead of walking up and imposing my desire to speak Spanish whether they liked it or not, I was asking permission and making it really clear that my intent wasn't to speak Spanish because their English wasn't good—it was just to practice Spanish.
Once I did that, it was like night and day. They would smile, speak Spanish with me, be impressed with my Spanish, and I'd have meaningful exchanges just based on that magic phrase.
Research helps explain why this simple reframing works so effectively:
Assumption management: Studies show that people make rapid judgments about others' motivations, and these initial assumptions strongly influence interactions.
Autonomy preservation: Research by Dr. Edward Deci demonstrates that people respond positively when they feel they have choice and control in interactions.
Face-saving theory: Sociolinguistic research shows that protecting someone's social image (their "face") is crucial for positive communication outcomes.
Request vs. demand psychology: Studies indicate that framing interactions as requests rather than assumptions dramatically improves reception and compliance.
My initial approach triggered several negative assumptions:
English proficiency doubt: People assumed I was questioning their English ability.
Cultural condescension: It could seem like I was treating them as foreigners rather than fellow Americans.
Power dynamics: Speaking Spanish without permission can feel like imposing a hierarchy.
Identity assumptions: It suggested I was making judgments about their identity and preferences.
Social awkwardness: Suddenly switching languages without context creates uncomfortable social situations.
"Can I practice my Spanish with you?" immediately:
Clarified intent: Made it clear this was about my learning, not their English ability.
Requested permission: Showed respect for their choice and autonomy.
Acknowledged their expertise: Positioned them as helpers rather than targets.
Created mutual benefit: Many people enjoy helping others learn and feel flattered to be asked.
Established context: Provided a clear framework for why the language switch was happening.
This situation highlights important cultural dynamics:
Language and identity: For many immigrants, being addressed in their heritage language can feel like othering or assumptions about assimilation.
Code-switching norms: Different communities have different expectations about when and how language switching is appropriate.
Power and privilege: A native English speaker choosing to practice Spanish can feel different than genuine communication need.
Context matters: Professional vs. casual settings, public vs. private spaces all affect appropriateness.
This principle applies beyond Spanish in the US:
Heritage language speakers: Second or third-generation immigrants may have complex relationships with their ancestral languages.
International settings: Even when traveling, asking permission shows respect for local preferences.
Professional environments: Workplace language choices require extra sensitivity to power dynamics.
Educational contexts: Students and teachers navigating multilingual environments.
It's all about framing, but that doesn't mean everyone will be receptive, and it's not always appropriate.
I always believe it's appropriate to allow a foreigner to speak whatever language is spoken in the local country. If they don't want to speak Spanish with you, don't force yourself on them—just respect that.
But if they're open and willing, those magic words have helped me tremendously in my interactions.
Consider using this framing when:
You're genuinely seeking practice: Your motivation is truly about learning, not showing off.
The setting is appropriate: Casual, low-pressure environments work better than formal or rushed situations.
You can accept "no": Be prepared to gracefully continue in English if they decline.
You have time for conversation: Don't ask if you're in a hurry or the situation is transactional.
The power dynamic is appropriate: Consider whether you're in a position of authority that might make refusal difficult.
Variations on the magic question:
• "I'm learning Spanish—would you mind if I practiced with you?"
• "Could you help me practice my Spanish for a moment?"
• "I'd love to practice my Spanish if you don't mind switching languages"
• "Would it be okay if we spoke in Spanish? I'm trying to improve"
Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues:
Enthusiastic yes: They light up and seem genuinely pleased to help.
Polite no: They decline but seem comfortable with the request.
Reluctant agreement: They agree but seem hesitant—consider sticking with English.
Body language: Watch for signs of discomfort even if they verbally agree.
When people do agree to help:
Express gratitude: Thank them for their patience and help.
Keep it manageable: Don't monopolize their time or make them feel trapped.
Be gracious about corrections: Welcome feedback and show appreciation for their guidance.
Offer reciprocity: If they're learning English or another language you speak, offer to help in return.
What I love about this approach is how it transforms the dynamic from potentially awkward or offensive to collaborative and positive. Instead of making assumptions, you're creating opportunities for genuine cultural and linguistic exchange.
Many of those meaningful exchanges led to ongoing friendships and language practice opportunities that never would have existed without that simple reframing.
That's part one of this two-part series: how asking permission and clarifying intent can transform language practice opportunities from potential offense to genuine connection.
Take care, and I'll see you next week for part two!
